Top 10 products we wish we could un-invent

The BBC show Dragon’s Den always makes us chuckle, especially when mad inventors pour their life savings into developing products that no sensible person would ever consider buying. Well, the big brands are often guilty of the same thing: here are our top 10 tech products that clearly haven’t been thought through.

10. Vistaquest Digital Single Use Camera

Disposable cameras are rarely seen these days. People seem to think it’s a great idea to hand them out at weddings, but the cost of developing the film only to reveal hundreds of blurry, drunken scenes is surely not worth it. Quite why Vistaquest thought it was a great plan to launch a single-use digital camera is beyond us. It stores 40 one-megapixel shots, but ceases to function the first time it’s connected to a PC. This is bizarre enough, but the quality of the photos is utterly appaling.

Since just about everyone has a camera on their phone these days, it’s inconceivable why anyone would want to shell out ten quid on a worse-quality disposable version.

A single-use digital camera is an oxymoron. It doesn’t help that the photos are awful, too

9. Battery Life Activator

This was one of those ‘too good to be true’ products. It was a thin piece of foil that that you stuck to your laptop or mobile phone battery to improve its life by up to 40 per cent. Back in 2005, we were told that the “precise mechanism or operation is not understood”, while the manufacturer’s website contained a lot of technical information that didn’t clarify much.

We tried it on a mobile phone and laptop and found – surprise, surprise – that it made precisely no difference at all. If you want better battery life, you’re better off spending your money on an additional battery, not this.

Sticking some expensive ‘magic’ foil on your battery is a surefire route to disappointment

8. LightScribe

It might be a little harsh to call LightScribe pointless, but it certainly comes close. This HP technology, which found its way into many DVD writers in recent years, allowed the user to flip over their CD or DVD once burned and use the laser to etch an image into the other side of the disc.

It doesn’t sound too stupid, but not only did it require special LightScribe discs (these are around twice the price of ordinary CDs or DVDs) but it could only create several shades of grey. This meant it wasn’t much use for images – only text. It also took up to an hour and a half to burn the image, depending on the drive and design. Far better to take a CD pen and scrawl on it, or use an inkjet printer to produce a decent full-colour sticky label.

This image ain’t worth waiting an hour for, let alone the extra cost of the special disc

7. iPod pants

According to the manufacturer, the Play iBox Solid Boxer “is an ideal knit boxer for trendy, gadget-savvy music lovers. Made from a cotton/spandex blend, this button fly boxer has a discrete front pocket which is perfect for holding your iPod, other mp3 players or your phone”.

Is it perfect, though? Why would you even want to put your iPod in your boxers? The only plausible explanation can be that some people like to walk around in their underwear, and listen to music through headphones at the same time. Then again, maybe we’re being too generous in thinking there’s an explanation at all. If anyone actually bought a pair, it must have been as a joke gift for someone else.

Ever wished your boxer shorts had a pocket for your MP3 player? No, we thought not

6. Native Union Play

Ditch the household notepad and grab a Play, we’re told by Native Union. This £50 device is intended to be a ‘modern twist on everyday messages’ and allows you to record video messages before slapping the Play on your fridge (it has a magnetic back) ready for the recipient to come home and view it on the colour screen.

It may be more fun than scribbling a note on a piece of paper, but it’s merely an attempt to solve a problem that no-one has. Given that it can store only a paltry three minutes of video, it’s ridiculously overpriced and can’t even double as a camcorder. We can’t see anyone ditching their £1 notepad for this.

This jumped-up fridge magnet is unlikely to replace handwritten notes

5. Internet Fridge

Talking of refrigerators, this top 10 wouldn’t be complete without the infamous Internet Fridge. This monstrosity contained a 15in LCD display so you could browse the internet while you’re in front of the fridge. If that sounds a bit odd, it’s because it makes no sense. We’ve never had the desire to check Facebook while grabbing a beer, and the built-in TV tuner and FM radio are bizarre additions too.

Fridges keep things cold, and any attempt to add unrelated features is just plain wrong.

Internet Fridge is a rather grand title for this awful hybrid

4. Duracell MyGrid

In theory, being able to charge your phone and iPod without wires is an attractive proposition. Unfortunately the reality – thus far – has been woefully underwhelming. The MyGrid is one of several wireless chargers available, but all require your devices to wear a special jacket to allow them to work with the charging pad.

As these ‘sleeves’ are specific fit, they’re only available for popular devices. They’ve come down in price from around £35 to roughly £10, but you need one for each device you want to charge and they’re not exactly attractive. If you have three devices, the kit will cost you around £60-70.

Is it really worth this much not to have to plug your charger’s cable into your device? We don’t think so. Until devices start shipping with wireless power charging capabilities built in, products such as the MyGrid will remain on the shelves.

Too lazy to plug in your phone charger? Duracell has a solution that’s just as much hassle

3. Apple FaceTime

Nokia tried it several years ago with a huge TV advertising campaign, and with the launch of FaceTime on the iPhone 4 and iPod Touch, Apple’s also trying to persuade people that they really should be video calling.

The trouble is, most people don’t see the ‘audio-only’ telephone as a hindrance to communication. In fact, it’s generally regarded as a benefit since the other party can’t see what you’re up to, or that you look terrible having just crawled out of bed after a heavy night and are still in your underwear (probably not iPod pants).

It’s hard to make a case that video calling isn’t popular because of technical limitations or cost: Skype has offered a free service for years and it’s possible to call your friend in Australia and have a normal conversation. Perhaps we’re simply not ready to give up the traditional telephone when offered the choice of an audio or video call, so until video becomes the only option, features such as FaceTime will gather dust.

We’ve yet to find anyone that’s used FaceTime more than once – just for the novelty factor

2. Sony MousePhone

Sony isn’t the only company to have launched a mouse that’s also a phone, but as one of the world’s best-known technology brands, it ought to know better. Whoever came up with the idea clearly didn’t think it through: unlike the Internet Fridge (or Breville’s Radio Toaster for that matter), you can’t use both of the MousePhone’s functions at once.

If you’re on a call, you can’t use the mouse and if you’re using your computer with the mouse, you can’t make a call. Since the two activities aren’t mutually exclusive, the MousePhone is deeply flawed.

Mice and phones should never be combined – and this product shows why

1. iPad Waistcoat

Well-known case manufacturer Proporta recently ran a competition to design a case aimed at global travellers. Somehow this waistcoat, which has an integral pocket for an iPad, was among the winners. Despite the photographer’s best efforts, this crazy item of clothing still looks ridiculous.

It might be a way to carry your iPad with you, but it’s the most ludicrous we’ve ever seen. It isn’t in a practical position for using the iPad – even if you simply want to watch a video. The weight of the iPad surely pulls the waistcoat down at one side, meaning it’s probably uncomfortable to boot.

Thankfully, the design is unlikely to make it into production, and Proporta’s range will be all the better for it.

Impractical, unattractive and just plain wrong: iPads and waistcoats don’t mix